Oh, great. A Realtor is showing the house next door to a vampire – and the old ghoul looks interested.

There’s goes the neighborhood.

After you rule out relocation (All that unpacking just sucks the life out of you!), you drive yourself batty trying to figure out ways to ward off your potential new neighbor:

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“I vant to suck your bl– is that GARLIC?”

Twenty-four hours of daylight is impractical — and terrible for your insomnia. Dousing Drac with holy water contradicts your pledge to conserve water during a drought. And staking someone through the heart – even if undead — just seems a little harsh. So you head to your nearest farmers’ market and load up on garlic.

Why the bulbous plant is believed to ward off vampires has been subject to debate ever since Bram Stoker described a character wearing a garlic necklace in his novel “Dracula.”

One theory asserts that garlic was long thought to be a natural antibiotic that helped eliminate infections. And since vampires are created by infections, garlic would “cure” vampires of their undeadness, leaving them eternally . . . dead.

Another theory ties the garlic solution to rabies: In 1998, Spanish neurologist Juan Gomez-Alonso suggested the folklore of vampires was inspired by a rabies outbreak that occurred in Hungary during the 1720s. People infected with rabies were said to display a hypersensitive response to olfactory stimulation (a.k.a., “smelly things”), and garlic, well  — it stinks.

While you can’t count on garlic fending off monsters, we can guarantee that it will spice up your spaghetti. And what better way to welcome a new neighbor than invite him over for a home-cooked meal.

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Oh, yeah – did we mention that garlic is in season all year long? Find plenty of it at your local farmers market.